I really appreciate you sharing and focusing on your own personal stories here—and I'm noticing that you managed to not even use the word "recovery" in the text of your piece!
As a journey, found connection, (minus incarceration and really deadly manifestations), illumination...the story vibrates in commiseration. Johan Hari "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is human connection." x
As someone who’s danced in an out of 12-step for years, I found this a comforting read. I finally got serious and started working the steps (in another program) in April. Now on step 4 (gulp) and very much in the discomfort of it all.
If I was more susceptible to alcohol addiction, I could easily see myself having traveled a similar path. I’m thankful that I’m not and I didn’t.
I’m also thankful for these thoughtful and vulnerable words from someone who has been just about as far down that path as one could go and lived to write about it.
This was beautiful and reflective Michael. I saw a ton of myself in what you wrote, saw the paths that could have been if it weren't for a slightly different choice. After all, we only grew up an hour from each other.
You've had quite the journey, but most impressive is the calm, equanimity, and wisdom you bring to it. As I wrote in my reflection on the subject of recovery, it's easy to feel lost and overwhelmed and ashamed, but you bring none of that into this piece. It's truly a blessing to read and an even bigger blessing to have come to know you.
Excellent essay! Thank you for shining a light on this issue. Particularly during the holidays. Addiction destroys so many lives & the people who love them. It's sad that our government & media don't seem to care very much about the fentanyl crisis. Approximately 100,000 US citizens a year die from overdose. It may be because the majority are men (my understanding) or that it draws attention to our open borders.
It creates a suspicion in my mind that the Chinese have some influence at the highest levels of our government. I hope I'm wrong. There doesn't seem to be much push back, but I'm not intimately aware of their discussions. Time will tell what the political motivations are. In the meantime, fentanyl continues to flow across the border and our people continue to die.
Love your closing insight about human connection being the solution. I'm conflicted about how much my engagement with Substack keeps me glued to a screen, but it is fundamentally different from other screen time because of the human factor, as you say. When I am reading, I am fully present, and I have always loved this dynamic as a writer. The gnat's breath of attention that seems to dominate casual conversation, when you maybe get a sentence fragment or two in before someone changes the subject, is not true of writing. When I write, I am imagining my readers being fully present to me with the gift of their attention. When I read, I imagine the writer being fully present to me, sharing deeply, giving the gift of their life and their mind.
Quaker meeting has become my stand-in for something like AA. One hour of silence, punctuated only occasionally by those who feel moved to share something brief. It is so much like the reader/writer connection. Shared silence, held together. And then, if you speak, no one interrupts. There is even an expectation that a decent interval of silence must follow any act of sharing.
It is as close to a cure for isolation, detachment, and escape as I have found. Thanks for sharing your journey, Michael.
Reading this with my coffee after my meditation. I’m still chuckling at the way you say: “so I got sober.”
What a journey my friend. I can imagine you telling some of your amazing and frightening (to you) story at an AA meeting in the early days. Some old timer yawning 🥱 at your venom and resistance. “Keep coming back.”
Our most important job is to tell others who are still suffering. You’re doing that with power and grace and humility. I’m proud to know you today. I’m sure we’d have had fun--or been dead quick--had we known each other 20 years ago. 🤷🏻♂️💪🏻🙏
Thank you, so inspirational. 🤗✨💖🙏
This is amazing and inspiring. ❤️
I really appreciate you sharing and focusing on your own personal stories here—and I'm noticing that you managed to not even use the word "recovery" in the text of your piece!
For my own starting point on alternatives to orthodox AA-style sobriety / addiction / recovery, I would point people to resources that I discuss here → https://bowendwelle.substack.com/p/sex-is-better-sober
As a journey, found connection, (minus incarceration and really deadly manifestations), illumination...the story vibrates in commiseration. Johan Hari "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is human connection." x
Your reflections on always being an addict sound suspiciously like being a kid with autism (me).
As someone who’s danced in an out of 12-step for years, I found this a comforting read. I finally got serious and started working the steps (in another program) in April. Now on step 4 (gulp) and very much in the discomfort of it all.
Powerful sharing, thank you for the authentic words.
"I still drank like a ludicrous fish." -- I love this line!
If I was more susceptible to alcohol addiction, I could easily see myself having traveled a similar path. I’m thankful that I’m not and I didn’t.
I’m also thankful for these thoughtful and vulnerable words from someone who has been just about as far down that path as one could go and lived to write about it.
This was beautiful and reflective Michael. I saw a ton of myself in what you wrote, saw the paths that could have been if it weren't for a slightly different choice. After all, we only grew up an hour from each other.
You've had quite the journey, but most impressive is the calm, equanimity, and wisdom you bring to it. As I wrote in my reflection on the subject of recovery, it's easy to feel lost and overwhelmed and ashamed, but you bring none of that into this piece. It's truly a blessing to read and an even bigger blessing to have come to know you.
Excellent essay! Thank you for shining a light on this issue. Particularly during the holidays. Addiction destroys so many lives & the people who love them. It's sad that our government & media don't seem to care very much about the fentanyl crisis. Approximately 100,000 US citizens a year die from overdose. It may be because the majority are men (my understanding) or that it draws attention to our open borders.
It creates a suspicion in my mind that the Chinese have some influence at the highest levels of our government. I hope I'm wrong. There doesn't seem to be much push back, but I'm not intimately aware of their discussions. Time will tell what the political motivations are. In the meantime, fentanyl continues to flow across the border and our people continue to die.
Love your closing insight about human connection being the solution. I'm conflicted about how much my engagement with Substack keeps me glued to a screen, but it is fundamentally different from other screen time because of the human factor, as you say. When I am reading, I am fully present, and I have always loved this dynamic as a writer. The gnat's breath of attention that seems to dominate casual conversation, when you maybe get a sentence fragment or two in before someone changes the subject, is not true of writing. When I write, I am imagining my readers being fully present to me with the gift of their attention. When I read, I imagine the writer being fully present to me, sharing deeply, giving the gift of their life and their mind.
Quaker meeting has become my stand-in for something like AA. One hour of silence, punctuated only occasionally by those who feel moved to share something brief. It is so much like the reader/writer connection. Shared silence, held together. And then, if you speak, no one interrupts. There is even an expectation that a decent interval of silence must follow any act of sharing.
It is as close to a cure for isolation, detachment, and escape as I have found. Thanks for sharing your journey, Michael.
Reading this with my coffee after my meditation. I’m still chuckling at the way you say: “so I got sober.”
What a journey my friend. I can imagine you telling some of your amazing and frightening (to you) story at an AA meeting in the early days. Some old timer yawning 🥱 at your venom and resistance. “Keep coming back.”
Our most important job is to tell others who are still suffering. You’re doing that with power and grace and humility. I’m proud to know you today. I’m sure we’d have had fun--or been dead quick--had we known each other 20 years ago. 🤷🏻♂️💪🏻🙏
Never Surrender - every moment Free is a Victory.