Ego and Its Discontents

The Problem with Human Ego

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We see ID being splattered like blood from brains in a war on social media all the time.

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Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) outlined the three psychological layers of mental being: ID, EGO and SUPEREGO.

The ID is the instinct-based side of ourselves which chases the libido: Taboo urges, sexual conquest, inappropriate (to modern society) desires, wishes and feelings/thoughts. The SUPEREGO is its opposite: The “proper” and “trained” societal and “rational” part of the mind which understands the moral difference between “right” and “wrong” (which is of course relative based on era, historical time, culture and context), the part of us which screens out the ID impulses (usually) preventing most if not all from occurring in real time. (Prevent from becoming not mere thoughts but real life behaviors and actions.) The SUPEREGO, then, is the civilized, logical part of our minds which allows us to cooperate with others in society.

Then we come to the glorious and challenging EGO, which is the middleman, the middleclass bourgeoise station between the two extremes of, let us say, radical anarchy a la Bakunin (ID) and Utopian 19^th century socialism (SUPEREGO). The EGO, then, is the mediator between these two polars within us all.

So when we criticize “ego” we’re really criticizing ID; we’re suggesting that the EGO has not done a good enough job and has therefore allowed in too much ID, which has essentially overtaken the EGO and disavowed the SUPEREGO (read: Donald Trump).

Yet EGO gets the general blame.

But EGO, I think, for humans—and especially in contemporary post-modern times—has become much weaker, and the Overton Window has pushed back the SUPEREGO to an unusually low level. Ergo: There’s far too much ID floating around our post-modern times. Perhaps it’s a mix of The Internet, broadly, and social media more specifically. Social media has helped push the evolutionary tribal button within us more than any other technological innovation since the dawn of agrarian man 10,000 years ago, and far before that. Social media has disconnected us from our personal, private, true, authentic selves—as Kierkegaard might say—and has replaced that energy with simplicity, tribalism, and the Old Ape within us trying to crush EGO with raging ID.

Much of this is because, simply put: The Internet has allowed us to all become actors on a digital stage. When you see online is not the “real” person but rather a digital mirage. It’s very similar to online dating profiles when compared to the actual flawed, insecure, wounded human being behind the profile. We are now able to present ourselves like a gift to humanity, to make ourselves appear flawless and like superstars. Who needs Beyonce or Lady Gaga when you have Facebook, X, TikTok, Substack, etc?

But more so to the savage point: EGO in humans is a defense mechanism.

I am highly aware of my own level of arrogance, pretentiousness, ID and EGO. All are fairly high (certainly above average), but my SUPEREGO is also very strong. Yet I am constantly aware of an inner battle inside myself, wrestling with my interior contradictions, self-lies, fears, insecurities, and psychological opposites. (We all have inner opposites; much of the point of life is coming to terms and resolving these contradictions. Call it a psychological Hegelian dialectic.)

We are all, on some level, hypocrites. It sounds like a copout but it’s the truth: Like autism or anything else in this existence: Human hypocrisy is on a continuum, a spectrum. It's not: Is someone a hypocrite or not, but rather how much of a hypocrite is someone, and, further—and perhaps more important: How aware is that person of their own hypocrisy. You can diagnose yourself, if you’re bold enough: Ask your wife, husband, family member you trust or close friend to be brutally honest with you about this question. You’ll learn a lot.

EGO preservation—fighting tooth and nail with the internal ID—can be exhausting. Dealing with our own and others’ EGOs is one of the most painful and exhausting experiences I think any of us can have. Largely this is because EGO defenses stem mostly from genes, childhood trauma and one’s natural environment growing up. In other words: How you were parented; the lessons you learned as a baby and child; your home environment including everything from how much love you received or not; the class you were born into; the genes of your parents; etc. Aka: None of it, really, is within your control.