Very evocative piece! A friend of mine dropped out of UCSC and dropped into that whole Beach Flats scene c. 1986. All these years later, he’s a therapist with a specialty treating addiction. Hard-won wisdom indeed.
great details. "eyes narrowed in partial interest" "the sizzle of tobacco." "pack of goons."
I totally get that moment when "Shame and excitement slithered into my consciousness." yes. also: wanting to be included.
how were the kids "mystical"?
"I said sure. Truth is I was afraid. But I wanted to numb out." -- that truth, absolutely, yes... would you have called it "numb out" then, in the moment? that sounds more like hindsight... I would have been afraid, and also would have been so hungry and grateful for the invitation, and curious, and yes, also wanting to try it, wanting to see what it's like, wanting to escape...
"I liked to stand there, in danger... and one day, I thought, I'm going to jump clean off..." -- makes me curious, and also wondering, again, what did it feel like to _like to_ stand there in danger... I guess I can identify, although when I think about it, that was more other people, friends of mine, more than me. I wasn't so much a danger-seeker. I didn't want oblivion. Clearly, there's more. Right on Michael.
Very evocative piece! A friend of mine dropped out of UCSC and dropped into that whole Beach Flats scene c. 1986. All these years later, he’s a therapist with a specialty treating addiction. Hard-won wisdom indeed.
Great piece. Some notes:
great details. "eyes narrowed in partial interest" "the sizzle of tobacco." "pack of goons."
I totally get that moment when "Shame and excitement slithered into my consciousness." yes. also: wanting to be included.
how were the kids "mystical"?
"I said sure. Truth is I was afraid. But I wanted to numb out." -- that truth, absolutely, yes... would you have called it "numb out" then, in the moment? that sounds more like hindsight... I would have been afraid, and also would have been so hungry and grateful for the invitation, and curious, and yes, also wanting to try it, wanting to see what it's like, wanting to escape...
"I liked to stand there, in danger... and one day, I thought, I'm going to jump clean off..." -- makes me curious, and also wondering, again, what did it feel like to _like to_ stand there in danger... I guess I can identify, although when I think about it, that was more other people, friends of mine, more than me. I wasn't so much a danger-seeker. I didn't want oblivion. Clearly, there's more. Right on Michael.
I managed to skip the dope. Well, tried it, but knew better. Sounds like maybe you too? Here's a bit of my story → https://decidenothing.substack.com/p/rocky-mountain
At least we had sheets on the bed...
“He smiled, and it was like everything moved to slow motion.” Very cinematic, it draws us in. I heard the cigarette light up.
Santa Cruz, I made it there while living in the Bay Area, so I can visualize the setting. Intense stuff!
Wow. Yeah. Keep writing.
Keep writing despite all the detritus of collapsing civilizations we live amidst. There are no coincidences in fiction or in life. Trust the words.
Raw. Felt like I was there, next to you.