Well written Michael. I sort of snorted reading the "I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth," part. (Snippets of The Who playing through my head; I had the plastic one.) I grew up poor, but never really knew it. There was food on the table, there were eight of us living in a small house that had an oil stove. Some winters--they seemed colder when I was a kid--the condensation on the windows froze. I never knew we were poor immigrants. My Dad worked in a mill, worked night shifts because it paid more. My mother cleaned hotel rooms under the table sometimes. I never realized we had little to live on, until I moved out. I was never good with my money because I was like you. I blew it up my nose and cranked it up my arm; I pissed it up against the wall. But I kept the same job for 45 years. I needed a calming influence in my life and found that with my wife. She was just as fucked up as I was (except for all the hard stuff), but she knew how to save money. (She came from fine immigrant stock as well.) Like I said, all I ever did with my money was spend it.
I don't think being born poor, or being born rich, makes any difference to the people we eventually become. My parents believed in me. It made me believe in me. You're right, there are more riches in the world than just money. Sure, it pays the bills, and you can actually buy your freedom with it when you get older, but you can't buy the memories of having gotten to where you are. I never went to college and learned everything I know by reading and studying. I learned that from my father. He never went to higher education because of the War. It amazes me to think of what he would have become with the education he deserved. But it doesn't work that way, does it?
Well done Michael. Your essay does a great job of pointing out what we will do to fit in with our chosen crowd. From the outside it looked like you had it made, yet on the inside you felt the need to prove yourself.
From the outside we all want the kind of upbringing (wealth) you had, yet on the inside it may not be all it’s cracked up to be.
I found it interesting, and appreciated, your suspicion of money while also stating your wealthy parents were very good people. There is no one right way and, perhaps, no matter what we’ve got, we want the other.
Great post Michael! I too came from a privileged background in Manhattan but my parents went thru a horrible divorce. It had a harsh impact on me and my siblings. Like you I finally found the thing I feel I was meant to do which is write. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to monetize it! Thanks for sharing. Sabrinalabow.substack.com
I work at a restaurant in Ojai where guests often tell me, “Oh, yeah, we have a house here.” The implication being that it’s not their primary residence, that they are just awash in houses in cities here and elsewhere. It is hard not to be resentful as someone from the “wrong side of the tracks.” My ex grew up privileged like you, and when money struggles got really bad, he would spiral. I learned that growing up poor AT LEAST gave me a resilience when it came to going through lean times. The great thing about writing is that you don’t need a master’s degree to do it. Paying attention to life as it happens is the only education that really matters, that and a love of reading. I like reading about your perspective. I’m on the other side of that coin when it comes to material wealth, but a lifetime in hospitality has me dripping in the riches of profound human-ness. I suppose writing is an act of gratitude and love from wherever it springs.
Your last paragraph is thoughtful, because it acknowledges the tensions in its logic. Everyone doesn't get the chance to do what they love because drive sometimes has nothing to do with it. In my case, teaching college was a dream job for about ten years, before corporate culture took over. I worked incredibly hard to get there, but the only reason I had that chance was government programs (Pell Grants, Stafford Loans, a requisition program that gave me a solid Forest Service job in the summer) that made college affordable. And, like many faculty, I realized after the fact that outlasting all the other candidates for a faculty job is as much about luck as it is about effort. When it's down to 2 or 3 finalists, it's not evidence that tips the scales.
My path does not exist for most blue collar kids these days. Maybe a few get the diversity nod from elite schools, but most of them have to accept huge financial tradeoffs for a college education. I don't blame them for not prioritizing passion after an investment like that. They want a return on their debt.
It's interesting that my grandfather's generation had a different view. They wanted good union jobs so that they didn't get screwed by the boss. But their real life wasn't at the sawmill -- it was fishing on the weekends, elk hunting, cheering for grandkids at their ballgames. Work and money didn't really live on the same plane as passion for them. I'm learning to see the wisdom in that view.
Michael, I enjoyed this article. My background is quite a bit different than yours as my family was always riding the border between lower class and middle class. I was like those kids in your story from the other side of the tracks - I had chores and wore hand-me-down clothes until I started working in high school and helped pay the bills.
I have been extraordinarily fortunate to have a good career and make decent money. My military service will provide a retirement pension that affords me some financial freedom to pursue my dream of being a writer. So I am getting there in the end, even if it was a somewhat circuitous route.
Love the vulnerability and honesty here. All the best, Matthew
Thank you for sharing such an honest account of self-evolution on the road of life, thus far. I can appreciate your transformative journey towards becoming a professional writer. Indeed, as you stated, it is possible to "find a way to make money doing what you truly love to do in this world. That is a blessing." Many people are still trying to find themselves amid pressures from their parents, teachers, and friends -- all of whom are projecting their own career vision and/or preconceived expectations about achievements in life. This article speaks volumes for many aspiring writers far and wide.
Well written Michael. I sort of snorted reading the "I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth," part. (Snippets of The Who playing through my head; I had the plastic one.) I grew up poor, but never really knew it. There was food on the table, there were eight of us living in a small house that had an oil stove. Some winters--they seemed colder when I was a kid--the condensation on the windows froze. I never knew we were poor immigrants. My Dad worked in a mill, worked night shifts because it paid more. My mother cleaned hotel rooms under the table sometimes. I never realized we had little to live on, until I moved out. I was never good with my money because I was like you. I blew it up my nose and cranked it up my arm; I pissed it up against the wall. But I kept the same job for 45 years. I needed a calming influence in my life and found that with my wife. She was just as fucked up as I was (except for all the hard stuff), but she knew how to save money. (She came from fine immigrant stock as well.) Like I said, all I ever did with my money was spend it.
I don't think being born poor, or being born rich, makes any difference to the people we eventually become. My parents believed in me. It made me believe in me. You're right, there are more riches in the world than just money. Sure, it pays the bills, and you can actually buy your freedom with it when you get older, but you can't buy the memories of having gotten to where you are. I never went to college and learned everything I know by reading and studying. I learned that from my father. He never went to higher education because of the War. It amazes me to think of what he would have become with the education he deserved. But it doesn't work that way, does it?
Well done Michael. Your essay does a great job of pointing out what we will do to fit in with our chosen crowd. From the outside it looked like you had it made, yet on the inside you felt the need to prove yourself.
From the outside we all want the kind of upbringing (wealth) you had, yet on the inside it may not be all it’s cracked up to be.
I found it interesting, and appreciated, your suspicion of money while also stating your wealthy parents were very good people. There is no one right way and, perhaps, no matter what we’ve got, we want the other.
Great post Michael! I too came from a privileged background in Manhattan but my parents went thru a horrible divorce. It had a harsh impact on me and my siblings. Like you I finally found the thing I feel I was meant to do which is write. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to monetize it! Thanks for sharing. Sabrinalabow.substack.com
I work at a restaurant in Ojai where guests often tell me, “Oh, yeah, we have a house here.” The implication being that it’s not their primary residence, that they are just awash in houses in cities here and elsewhere. It is hard not to be resentful as someone from the “wrong side of the tracks.” My ex grew up privileged like you, and when money struggles got really bad, he would spiral. I learned that growing up poor AT LEAST gave me a resilience when it came to going through lean times. The great thing about writing is that you don’t need a master’s degree to do it. Paying attention to life as it happens is the only education that really matters, that and a love of reading. I like reading about your perspective. I’m on the other side of that coin when it comes to material wealth, but a lifetime in hospitality has me dripping in the riches of profound human-ness. I suppose writing is an act of gratitude and love from wherever it springs.
Money is an insulator. No great artist ever came from wealth, with the exception of Edith Wharton, and I'd argue the great part.
Finally landing yourself in gratitude is brilliant. Well done.
Your last paragraph is thoughtful, because it acknowledges the tensions in its logic. Everyone doesn't get the chance to do what they love because drive sometimes has nothing to do with it. In my case, teaching college was a dream job for about ten years, before corporate culture took over. I worked incredibly hard to get there, but the only reason I had that chance was government programs (Pell Grants, Stafford Loans, a requisition program that gave me a solid Forest Service job in the summer) that made college affordable. And, like many faculty, I realized after the fact that outlasting all the other candidates for a faculty job is as much about luck as it is about effort. When it's down to 2 or 3 finalists, it's not evidence that tips the scales.
My path does not exist for most blue collar kids these days. Maybe a few get the diversity nod from elite schools, but most of them have to accept huge financial tradeoffs for a college education. I don't blame them for not prioritizing passion after an investment like that. They want a return on their debt.
It's interesting that my grandfather's generation had a different view. They wanted good union jobs so that they didn't get screwed by the boss. But their real life wasn't at the sawmill -- it was fishing on the weekends, elk hunting, cheering for grandkids at their ballgames. Work and money didn't really live on the same plane as passion for them. I'm learning to see the wisdom in that view.
Michael, I enjoyed this article. My background is quite a bit different than yours as my family was always riding the border between lower class and middle class. I was like those kids in your story from the other side of the tracks - I had chores and wore hand-me-down clothes until I started working in high school and helped pay the bills.
I have been extraordinarily fortunate to have a good career and make decent money. My military service will provide a retirement pension that affords me some financial freedom to pursue my dream of being a writer. So I am getting there in the end, even if it was a somewhat circuitous route.
Love the vulnerability and honesty here. All the best, Matthew
Thank you for sharing such an honest account of self-evolution on the road of life, thus far. I can appreciate your transformative journey towards becoming a professional writer. Indeed, as you stated, it is possible to "find a way to make money doing what you truly love to do in this world. That is a blessing." Many people are still trying to find themselves amid pressures from their parents, teachers, and friends -- all of whom are projecting their own career vision and/or preconceived expectations about achievements in life. This article speaks volumes for many aspiring writers far and wide.
Very interesting read here - your honesty will resonate with others. Thanks for sharing.