I think trusting yourself (much like trusting life) is pone of life's central challenges, not just a side issue or a means to an end – psychologists will talk about self-esteem and self-confidence like it's the default or standard and if you don't have it, it's because something went wrong. But I feel that we are all born with a standard level of non-confidence as we learn to walk on shaky legs then find put the challenges to come are even more difficult. I feel like I have been trying to learn to trust myself all my life but it feels like I'm always just beginning.
I love how the common thread in our series has been the group element: trusting others becomes key to trusting oneself. You are now making me wonder whether men are falsely socialized to be loners. We're still social creatures. We do better in groups than on our own or in the tightly controlled parameters of one-on-one therapy. And we can trust our brothers in groups to call bullshit on us as need be. That seems to be part of what you gleaned from AA -- even if no one called you out directly, the group dynamic allowed you to complete that recognition, apply it yourself.
Glad to be walking this road with you. I'm struck all over again by the commonalities and distinctions between your journey and Dee's and my own. I never had a blackout experience, except maybe once in college, and hadn't been actually drunk for more than a decade by the time I gave it up. Yet what you describe about not being present in your own life was true for me, just on a micro scale. The happy hour ritual was a way to be temporarily unavailable, to disappear for a few moments from my life, even if I wasn't far gone. There's a place for that. The gym and the bike offer it when I need it. But the harder work is being available to others on a more regular basis. Which I think we're doing well in our group.
I agree that the ability to trust yourself comes first, whether trust is broken by others or the self, that still comes first. Thanks for sharing your growth as an individual, totally agree, for those who feel themselves different or separate from the other beings upon the planet I tend to feel only dismay.
I think trusting yourself (much like trusting life) is pone of life's central challenges, not just a side issue or a means to an end – psychologists will talk about self-esteem and self-confidence like it's the default or standard and if you don't have it, it's because something went wrong. But I feel that we are all born with a standard level of non-confidence as we learn to walk on shaky legs then find put the challenges to come are even more difficult. I feel like I have been trying to learn to trust myself all my life but it feels like I'm always just beginning.
I loved reading this so much I read it twice!
Thank you … 💜
MICHAEL MOHRS SINCERE AMERICAN WRITING FELICES
I love how the common thread in our series has been the group element: trusting others becomes key to trusting oneself. You are now making me wonder whether men are falsely socialized to be loners. We're still social creatures. We do better in groups than on our own or in the tightly controlled parameters of one-on-one therapy. And we can trust our brothers in groups to call bullshit on us as need be. That seems to be part of what you gleaned from AA -- even if no one called you out directly, the group dynamic allowed you to complete that recognition, apply it yourself.
Glad to be walking this road with you. I'm struck all over again by the commonalities and distinctions between your journey and Dee's and my own. I never had a blackout experience, except maybe once in college, and hadn't been actually drunk for more than a decade by the time I gave it up. Yet what you describe about not being present in your own life was true for me, just on a micro scale. The happy hour ritual was a way to be temporarily unavailable, to disappear for a few moments from my life, even if I wasn't far gone. There's a place for that. The gym and the bike offer it when I need it. But the harder work is being available to others on a more regular basis. Which I think we're doing well in our group.
Powerful and honest—as it should be from a man who has plumbed the depths as you have my friend.
For my part—I trust that I’m getting an unmasked and unfiltered view from you when I read your work. 🙏
I agree that the ability to trust yourself comes first, whether trust is broken by others or the self, that still comes first. Thanks for sharing your growth as an individual, totally agree, for those who feel themselves different or separate from the other beings upon the planet I tend to feel only dismay.
Well done you.
Your own path is the hardest to step onto 🙏