I have experienced enough absurdity that I can no longer be anything but independent. My friends are protesting, posting on Facebook every day, calling people names, and putting up calls for violence and assassination. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Late to the party on this one but yup. Your story checks out. A small handful of lefty people have unfriended me over politics, but none of them were particularly close, so it's no big loss.
I do think it's abundantly clear now that the smartphone/social media combo was a huge mistake that humanity wasn't ready for. It's a mental health killer. We created a beast that we could not tame.
As such, I'm still on Facebook, but it's computer-only. No phone. Instagram is the only app still on my phone because it's still mostly just fun stuff. We'll see how long that lasts.
I’m actually a conservative, so I can’t say “I essentially agree with you,” and wonder why the small differences I might have with similarly disposed friends are the source of so much distress. In other words, I have substantial differences of opinion with many close friends who are at least left of center. But here is what I’ve learned - and it’s been sobering - in the course of some impassioned conversations with people I love and am close to: people are genuinely terrified of their political adversaries (Trump, Trump followers, Republicans, Trump voters, Elon Musk, etc.). People don’t scare me, so it took me a while to really grasp how deeply afraid people are. I’m afraid of dangerous ideas, not dangerous people, which probably has its own kind of distortions, but if you yourself are not gripped by these fears then it can be very hard to make sense of the behavior of people who are gripped by these fears.
Well said. I agree. I blame the media on both sides for a lot of the madness and polarization going on here. Especially on the left, media has been on red flag High Alert since 2016. Remember Bush in 2002, 2003 re terrorism, the color coded bars? They had them up and up, then back down, psy-ops, basically. I think that's what media has been doing the past decade, getting people riled and terrified. It's a real disservice to Americans.
It really is, on both sides, almost a kind of abuse. In the 50’s and 60’s Americans started to become sensitive to the way advertising has the power to generate insecurities or appetites, the purpose of which was to sell consumer products. That all seems so quaint now. It turns out that if your basic business model requires you to grab and subsequently lock in people’s attention, then you quickly race to the bottom. You feed people’s brains an endless stream of alarms which must be closely monitored to forestall doom.
It took me a long time to develop compassion for the fear people feel when they have been overtaken by these permanent fire alarms. It’s real to them.
The stories in this comments section are no coincidence. Millions of people have stories like this now. Of friends, both recent and long-time friends for decades, ending friendships at the slightest whiff of a thought crime against their beloved Democrats or equivalent left-wing establishment party.
Been through it too myself. If I don't have a lot of stories like this, it's because the loss of one particularly dear person was enough to (along with a few other catalysts) wake up and smell the coffee. I don't use the phrase "loss" by accident; I'm very much in the Obi-Wan Kenobi, "betrayed and murdered your father" camp when it comes to all this. To me, the dear person I once knew may as well be dead; many other stories I've heard about ideological indoctrination also bear this pattern, especially (for some reason) when it comes to women.
Let them burn their bridges. It's sad and it's painful, but if that's how they are then they were never good friends to begin with. It's a net positive in the long run.
Yeah. Totally agree. That's what I've come to believe as well. In the end: If she can let me go that easily then the foundation was unsound from the start.
I grew up around hard core left. I was raised that way. There was always a real nasty streak in the left. One day I was walking through a college open area. There were tables set up promoting one cause or another. I was in my 20s and had begun my rightward drift. One of the tables was manned by a hot babe. So I stopped and talked. She was a Marxist-Leninist. Her table was beside a Maoist or a Trotskyite table. They HATED each other. The vitriol was almost comical. This was in Vancouver. Which is essentially a real estate play. Her contention was no one should own houses. The State should own all homes. I said ‘Vancouverites love their homes. How are you going to talk them into that?’ She said ‘we will go to Shaughnessy’, the area of mansions, ‘haul some owners out and shoot them. Everyone else will go along.’ I asked who gets to live in the best homes? Those who contribute the most she said. And ‘who would qualify’. ‘Party members first, then trade union leaders’. ‘So. You, right?’ She agreed as a member of the Marxists she should have the best home. That would be fair. Then she and the table next sniped at each other for a bit.
She was insane and nasty. Hate filled. And she contributed to my reversal of politics. For which my parents were annoyed forever. She was also hot. So I kept talking to her. But I was 22 and horny.
When you see cancellations in person or on videos from people, the creepy thing isn't that the people unfriending you are angry; sometimes they are, but very often they're smiling. They're actually enjoying it. That should tell you everything you need to know about these people.
Mystic William is right. If the American left is not in the Mao and Stalin camp, it is not because they are different leftists. But because they are half of an incomplete puzzle. The other half is the requisite state apparatus. However bad things are, we won't get arrested for criticizing all this in your Substack comments. If the conditions were identical, however, we would be in a Gulag right now. And these people would still be smiling.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me a few days ago: a close friend of 30+ years de-friended me after deeming me a Trump supporter, or at least a "normalizer," simply because she'd seen a couple posts I'd made critical of the Biden administration and many prominent Dems' non-response or even support to the campus tentifadas in 2024. It didn't matter that I voted for Hillary, Joe, and Kamala or that I've never said, online or otherwise, one positive thing about him. I expressed my opinion to her that we need to learn to survive the administration and not deny that he won the popular vote and that America chose this--again; and that if something good manages to come out of his administration, we should accept that and not reject it ONLY because its Trump. That was enough for her to end our friendship.
So crazy. Sorry you went through that. On the flip side I hope my piece made you feel less alone. Your comment certainly comforted me (sad as I am that it happened to you). You bring up great points. Trump was elected fair and square by our agreed-upon constitutional standards. I wish Dems could look in the mirror and grasp that both in 2016 and 2024 it was their own side that failed us, not Trump doing so well. In both 16 and 24 it was Democrats' race to lose. Hillary didn't even visit many of the swing states, which is beyond arrogant. Dems have now lost Latinos and 20% of the Black vote. How is that possible? They insist on identity politics, but it's clearly a losing battle. I think at this point they are just so incredibly (emotionally) invested in the narrative that they just can't change. Too much ego. I think Trump is a disaster. And I blame Democrats for his success.
Agreed. He’s back in office despite everything, because the electorate had a binary choice, and rejected the Dems.
On Damon Linker’s stack, there are commenters trying to make the case Trump is illegitimate because “only 34 percent of the actual electorate voted for him” or something like that; in essence even though he won the popular vote, that still doesn’t mean most Americans voted for him etc etc so we don’t have to treat him as legitimate. That may be true but it doesn’t matter, and matters even less because they would never similarly delegitimize the election of Dem. They can’t or won’t face reality.
That's funny about the illegitimate claim. You know who that reminds me of? Woodrow Wilson, who, because of Theodore Roosevelt splitting the ticket, won with only 42% of the vote. But even more: Abe Lincoln. Why? Because on his second run Lincoln wasn't getting votes from the entire nation since it was divided between North and South. Ergo he got a fraction of overall American votes.
I’m trying to shed light on how divisive language affects those who wage it (like your friend here) and not just the people they cancel. Feeling like an authority on what’s right will eff them up way more than any harsh truth ever could, because they become crippled by their fear of uncertainty. It’s like refusing to leave a burning building because at least you know where the couch is.
For what it’s worth, I had a childhood friend who I stopped talking to for 2 years over politics. Eventually I came around and reconnected. So maybe she’ll come around eventually. Politically it sounds like my journey has been similar to yours, I’m glad to have come across your post.
For some people it was any kind of dissent during COVID, for others calling out gender ideology in the education system and resultant harms, now it's just saying that if more than half the people vote for Trump maybe it's not a fringe minority of people on the right that are unhappy with where the left have got to. Many of us have seen up close how groupthink and ostracism work. We know now how Nazism occurs and we know that under the right conditions we can all fall into it.
Rene Girards scapegoating idea may be helpful here- the role of the scapegoat is to dissipate the tension in the group. Because many people can't hold the tension they get locked into group dynamics. Dissenters then get scapegoating which resolves the tension and helps the group cohere. The progressive left is basically a cult in my view, which means they will be resistant to change. I consider myself on the left.
Well said. I agree. What you said about groups seems quite accurate. People change when conforming to the group and seem to lose a sense of individual autonomy. There's a MAGA cult and a progressive cult, and ironically they're not as different at the core as they may seem externally. Thanks for the note. Love 'Heterodork.'
Actually, as a writer and historian, I wonder, "Where's it all going?" Obviously such times end, or we'd still be in the last one from 1,000 years ago. But HOW do they end? I'm torn between, adults would rather die than change their minds and admit wrong, and *"Science advances one funeral at a time" -- Max Planck*; to knowing millions of people have already left, "Walked away" as Brandon Straka says (a gay, NYC Democrat) while millions others here daily left real hardcore cults...or what they feel were cults, such as being tepid Methodists in Missouri. So you could ask, "Where does it end for THIS person?" or also, "Where does it end for ALL people," i.e., the movement.
I don't know, and I'm surprised and somewhat disturbed that in all history I don't have a very clear parallel or example. Maybe you will. That question may be far more useful, though.
You did what you had to. You were okay with differences of opinion, she wasn’t. I am trying to make new couple friends in my area and it keeps foundering on political views. As soon as they realize you aren’t 100% aligned, they ghost or gray-rock you.
I don’t think we can if that’s their line. I assume at least some of those people will realize, in moments when their dissonance cools off slightly, that they’re the ones not interested in open dialogue because they’ve defined all views that differ from theirs as either fascistic or false or bigoted etc etc
From what I've read of a few of your posts and Notes, I think you may be feeling something similar to me: intense frustration with the progressive left but also dislike of Trump. And then both the Trumpers and the progressives are furious that anyone could not have chosen a side in this great battle of God vs Satan and some seem to hate moderates more than those on the other side, and I think they often think anyone who isn't 100% picking one side is ignorant or uninformed when the opposite is often the case.
I voted for Harris and my Democratic House rep because I think Trump is specifically unfit for office and committed treason on J6 and I didn't want to help him control Congress either, but then I voted R everywhere downballot because I live in a blue state (IL) in which the Dems face literally no opposition and are totally wrecking the finances of the state for many decades now. I want them to moderate their fiscal stance significantly, but I don't want total R control where I have to start worrying about social stuff Republicans might do that I would strongly oppose. It's an awkward dance of trying to signal both parties to move toward the center.
This was very relatable, and an important story to share to illustrate that this phenomenon is widespread. And, Coddling of the American mind was the one that flipped the switch for me: I understood that liberal women were basing their politics on cognitive distortions like I had done while I was depressed. Suddenly the connection between depression, wokeness, and gender was so clear that I couldn't unsee it.
The thing with two presidents is that it upends the American system. Having one president, speaks to the limits and fallacies of one person, but if we have two presidents than the executive can do everything and we don't need the other branches. Just consider the recent statement about being above the law.
The best writers know whatever you give attention, you give power. I agree there are bad aspects of the left that get into cancelling people including their own family members. But there are members of the center who cancel you for just as ridiculous things. I never agreed with it because I find it unloving.
But it's like you're a ref and there's two teams and one team is super flawed and the other team is triggering all those flaws for much more nefarious purposes and you are focused on the weak team being unsportsmanlike....or that they get the details wrong in their hyped up anxiety about the nefarious stuff the other side is doing.
Also friendships are in a crisis in America because of the internet. The problem is usually technology not ideology. Technology creates more ideology than vice versa.
But yeah your friend over reacted from what I don't know is going on in their lives or mental health. What you do from there is your choice, and you decided to make it into content. Do you think that will help solve the loneliness epidemic in the country? I think one side learning not to overreact to an overreaction would be more helpful towards healing both sides.
But regardless, do whatever you want. The post allowed comments here so I presumed this wasn't a safe space and I could say what I want. Free speech and free exchange of ideas and all.
Hey man! Thanks for the honest comment. I genuinely appreciate that. Good stuff. You make some valid points, for sure. I totally agree with you, by the way, re social media and that creating ideology and fragmenting people and being divisive and creating isolation and loneliness. Definitely true. And to be clear: Fuck the Right, too. I think Trump is more or less a narcissistic moron who is a symptom of a much bigger problem in American life which we've all been ignoring for the past 20-30 years now. I am harder on the Left because they've traditionally always been more "my team." At this point though I hate both sides. I think we need serious root change.
As far as my friend and all that: The truth is it did hurt, what she did, and so the only sense of power or control I felt I had was to do what I do best: Write about it. I didn't use or show her name, so I wasn't trying to get "revenge" or anything like that. I guess I just wanted to have a cathartic experience and feel some relief by sharing "my truth" as the kids say nowadays. I genuinely wish her the best. But for me it wasn't sustainable. When she texted me several times about Trump and our political differences, I remained very restrained, polite and calm. Even when she un-friended my wife, I was soft and calm and respectful. Only when I saw what she'd written about me on FB, and how she said it (calling me her "friend" in quotation marks) did that shift for me.
You're probably right, despite all this. I could have handled it differently, more maturely, with more kindness. I admit: I am flawed.
Yeah, she seems like she is losing it. A lot of people man are losing it. Their world was shattered in some way. For me the world - through the eyes of literature and a fiction writer - was already in bad shape, because of much deeper and harder to solve problems than politics. I have always had different ideologies in my life because I am a naturally curious person and people in my family have been on both sides politically and criticize both sides, so I find this whole idea of cancelling people for having political beliefs to be TERRIBLE. But obviously some of our citizens are having some type of hissy fit and i certainly understand a hissy fit, having had plenty myself about my writing career, but the best way to handle a hissy fit is with patience and grace and understanding what is logical in the hissy fit and ignoring what is illogical. And yeah, you didn't disrespect or betray the person and you did the writer thing for sure. Respect always, and thank you for allowing me free space to engage with you. Since technology has taken over, we have to learn how to use it for good. Show not tell shit.
I totally get this and feel very similar. I had to write a post about it as I was an undecided voter. The vitriol on the left was scary and sad. People I had known for over 20 years treated me horribly. I never even said who I was voting for and yet, everyone filled in the blanks. I had to get off social media for a while and have only posted one Substack since then. It made me reevaluate everything. My life has changed a lot in a short amount of time and my desire to be in this digital world diminishes. Then I read a post like this and think “yes, there are more people like me. Reasonable, flawed and thinking people!” Thx for posting.
I have experienced enough absurdity that I can no longer be anything but independent. My friends are protesting, posting on Facebook every day, calling people names, and putting up calls for violence and assassination. Thanks for sharing your experience.
So nuts!!!! 🥜
The great Bette Davis once said that sex was God's joke on the human race. She was wrong. It's politics.
True that.
Late to the party on this one but yup. Your story checks out. A small handful of lefty people have unfriended me over politics, but none of them were particularly close, so it's no big loss.
I do think it's abundantly clear now that the smartphone/social media combo was a huge mistake that humanity wasn't ready for. It's a mental health killer. We created a beast that we could not tame.
As such, I'm still on Facebook, but it's computer-only. No phone. Instagram is the only app still on my phone because it's still mostly just fun stuff. We'll see how long that lasts.
You are very wise.
I’m actually a conservative, so I can’t say “I essentially agree with you,” and wonder why the small differences I might have with similarly disposed friends are the source of so much distress. In other words, I have substantial differences of opinion with many close friends who are at least left of center. But here is what I’ve learned - and it’s been sobering - in the course of some impassioned conversations with people I love and am close to: people are genuinely terrified of their political adversaries (Trump, Trump followers, Republicans, Trump voters, Elon Musk, etc.). People don’t scare me, so it took me a while to really grasp how deeply afraid people are. I’m afraid of dangerous ideas, not dangerous people, which probably has its own kind of distortions, but if you yourself are not gripped by these fears then it can be very hard to make sense of the behavior of people who are gripped by these fears.
Well said. I agree. I blame the media on both sides for a lot of the madness and polarization going on here. Especially on the left, media has been on red flag High Alert since 2016. Remember Bush in 2002, 2003 re terrorism, the color coded bars? They had them up and up, then back down, psy-ops, basically. I think that's what media has been doing the past decade, getting people riled and terrified. It's a real disservice to Americans.
It really is, on both sides, almost a kind of abuse. In the 50’s and 60’s Americans started to become sensitive to the way advertising has the power to generate insecurities or appetites, the purpose of which was to sell consumer products. That all seems so quaint now. It turns out that if your basic business model requires you to grab and subsequently lock in people’s attention, then you quickly race to the bottom. You feed people’s brains an endless stream of alarms which must be closely monitored to forestall doom.
It took me a long time to develop compassion for the fear people feel when they have been overtaken by these permanent fire alarms. It’s real to them.
You're right.
The stories in this comments section are no coincidence. Millions of people have stories like this now. Of friends, both recent and long-time friends for decades, ending friendships at the slightest whiff of a thought crime against their beloved Democrats or equivalent left-wing establishment party.
Been through it too myself. If I don't have a lot of stories like this, it's because the loss of one particularly dear person was enough to (along with a few other catalysts) wake up and smell the coffee. I don't use the phrase "loss" by accident; I'm very much in the Obi-Wan Kenobi, "betrayed and murdered your father" camp when it comes to all this. To me, the dear person I once knew may as well be dead; many other stories I've heard about ideological indoctrination also bear this pattern, especially (for some reason) when it comes to women.
Let them burn their bridges. It's sad and it's painful, but if that's how they are then they were never good friends to begin with. It's a net positive in the long run.
Yeah. Totally agree. That's what I've come to believe as well. In the end: If she can let me go that easily then the foundation was unsound from the start.
Michael…the left has killed about 100 million people over the last 120 years. They were never the nice guys. Ever!
Well, yes, when you get into Mao and Stalin territory.
I grew up around hard core left. I was raised that way. There was always a real nasty streak in the left. One day I was walking through a college open area. There were tables set up promoting one cause or another. I was in my 20s and had begun my rightward drift. One of the tables was manned by a hot babe. So I stopped and talked. She was a Marxist-Leninist. Her table was beside a Maoist or a Trotskyite table. They HATED each other. The vitriol was almost comical. This was in Vancouver. Which is essentially a real estate play. Her contention was no one should own houses. The State should own all homes. I said ‘Vancouverites love their homes. How are you going to talk them into that?’ She said ‘we will go to Shaughnessy’, the area of mansions, ‘haul some owners out and shoot them. Everyone else will go along.’ I asked who gets to live in the best homes? Those who contribute the most she said. And ‘who would qualify’. ‘Party members first, then trade union leaders’. ‘So. You, right?’ She agreed as a member of the Marxists she should have the best home. That would be fair. Then she and the table next sniped at each other for a bit.
She was insane and nasty. Hate filled. And she contributed to my reversal of politics. For which my parents were annoyed forever. She was also hot. So I kept talking to her. But I was 22 and horny.
When you see cancellations in person or on videos from people, the creepy thing isn't that the people unfriending you are angry; sometimes they are, but very often they're smiling. They're actually enjoying it. That should tell you everything you need to know about these people.
Mystic William is right. If the American left is not in the Mao and Stalin camp, it is not because they are different leftists. But because they are half of an incomplete puzzle. The other half is the requisite state apparatus. However bad things are, we won't get arrested for criticizing all this in your Substack comments. If the conditions were identical, however, we would be in a Gulag right now. And these people would still be smiling.
Absolutely.
Almost the exact same thing happened to me a few days ago: a close friend of 30+ years de-friended me after deeming me a Trump supporter, or at least a "normalizer," simply because she'd seen a couple posts I'd made critical of the Biden administration and many prominent Dems' non-response or even support to the campus tentifadas in 2024. It didn't matter that I voted for Hillary, Joe, and Kamala or that I've never said, online or otherwise, one positive thing about him. I expressed my opinion to her that we need to learn to survive the administration and not deny that he won the popular vote and that America chose this--again; and that if something good manages to come out of his administration, we should accept that and not reject it ONLY because its Trump. That was enough for her to end our friendship.
So crazy. Sorry you went through that. On the flip side I hope my piece made you feel less alone. Your comment certainly comforted me (sad as I am that it happened to you). You bring up great points. Trump was elected fair and square by our agreed-upon constitutional standards. I wish Dems could look in the mirror and grasp that both in 2016 and 2024 it was their own side that failed us, not Trump doing so well. In both 16 and 24 it was Democrats' race to lose. Hillary didn't even visit many of the swing states, which is beyond arrogant. Dems have now lost Latinos and 20% of the Black vote. How is that possible? They insist on identity politics, but it's clearly a losing battle. I think at this point they are just so incredibly (emotionally) invested in the narrative that they just can't change. Too much ego. I think Trump is a disaster. And I blame Democrats for his success.
Agreed. He’s back in office despite everything, because the electorate had a binary choice, and rejected the Dems.
On Damon Linker’s stack, there are commenters trying to make the case Trump is illegitimate because “only 34 percent of the actual electorate voted for him” or something like that; in essence even though he won the popular vote, that still doesn’t mean most Americans voted for him etc etc so we don’t have to treat him as legitimate. That may be true but it doesn’t matter, and matters even less because they would never similarly delegitimize the election of Dem. They can’t or won’t face reality.
That's funny about the illegitimate claim. You know who that reminds me of? Woodrow Wilson, who, because of Theodore Roosevelt splitting the ticket, won with only 42% of the vote. But even more: Abe Lincoln. Why? Because on his second run Lincoln wasn't getting votes from the entire nation since it was divided between North and South. Ergo he got a fraction of overall American votes.
I’m trying to shed light on how divisive language affects those who wage it (like your friend here) and not just the people they cancel. Feeling like an authority on what’s right will eff them up way more than any harsh truth ever could, because they become crippled by their fear of uncertainty. It’s like refusing to leave a burning building because at least you know where the couch is.
I think you’ll like this piece.
https://open.substack.com/pub/emmakearney/p/the-heavy-burden-of-being-right-and?r=9ocx5&utm_medium=ios
Cheers! Thanks. I'll check it out.
For what it’s worth, I had a childhood friend who I stopped talking to for 2 years over politics. Eventually I came around and reconnected. So maybe she’ll come around eventually. Politically it sounds like my journey has been similar to yours, I’m glad to have come across your post.
Right on! 👍
For some people it was any kind of dissent during COVID, for others calling out gender ideology in the education system and resultant harms, now it's just saying that if more than half the people vote for Trump maybe it's not a fringe minority of people on the right that are unhappy with where the left have got to. Many of us have seen up close how groupthink and ostracism work. We know now how Nazism occurs and we know that under the right conditions we can all fall into it.
Rene Girards scapegoating idea may be helpful here- the role of the scapegoat is to dissipate the tension in the group. Because many people can't hold the tension they get locked into group dynamics. Dissenters then get scapegoating which resolves the tension and helps the group cohere. The progressive left is basically a cult in my view, which means they will be resistant to change. I consider myself on the left.
Well said. I agree. What you said about groups seems quite accurate. People change when conforming to the group and seem to lose a sense of individual autonomy. There's a MAGA cult and a progressive cult, and ironically they're not as different at the core as they may seem externally. Thanks for the note. Love 'Heterodork.'
they aren’t the left. they are liberals.
Actually, as a writer and historian, I wonder, "Where's it all going?" Obviously such times end, or we'd still be in the last one from 1,000 years ago. But HOW do they end? I'm torn between, adults would rather die than change their minds and admit wrong, and *"Science advances one funeral at a time" -- Max Planck*; to knowing millions of people have already left, "Walked away" as Brandon Straka says (a gay, NYC Democrat) while millions others here daily left real hardcore cults...or what they feel were cults, such as being tepid Methodists in Missouri. So you could ask, "Where does it end for THIS person?" or also, "Where does it end for ALL people," i.e., the movement.
I don't know, and I'm surprised and somewhat disturbed that in all history I don't have a very clear parallel or example. Maybe you will. That question may be far more useful, though.
Interesting thoughts. Thanks for reading and for the comment!
You did what you had to. You were okay with differences of opinion, she wasn’t. I am trying to make new couple friends in my area and it keeps foundering on political views. As soon as they realize you aren’t 100% aligned, they ghost or gray-rock you.
I know, man. It's very frustrating. How do we bridge that? Maybe we don't.
I don’t think we can if that’s their line. I assume at least some of those people will realize, in moments when their dissonance cools off slightly, that they’re the ones not interested in open dialogue because they’ve defined all views that differ from theirs as either fascistic or false or bigoted etc etc
Yes. Agreed.
From what I've read of a few of your posts and Notes, I think you may be feeling something similar to me: intense frustration with the progressive left but also dislike of Trump. And then both the Trumpers and the progressives are furious that anyone could not have chosen a side in this great battle of God vs Satan and some seem to hate moderates more than those on the other side, and I think they often think anyone who isn't 100% picking one side is ignorant or uninformed when the opposite is often the case.
I voted for Harris and my Democratic House rep because I think Trump is specifically unfit for office and committed treason on J6 and I didn't want to help him control Congress either, but then I voted R everywhere downballot because I live in a blue state (IL) in which the Dems face literally no opposition and are totally wrecking the finances of the state for many decades now. I want them to moderate their fiscal stance significantly, but I don't want total R control where I have to start worrying about social stuff Republicans might do that I would strongly oppose. It's an awkward dance of trying to signal both parties to move toward the center.
Love how you think!
This was very relatable, and an important story to share to illustrate that this phenomenon is widespread. And, Coddling of the American mind was the one that flipped the switch for me: I understood that liberal women were basing their politics on cognitive distortions like I had done while I was depressed. Suddenly the connection between depression, wokeness, and gender was so clear that I couldn't unsee it.
Exactly.
The thing with two presidents is that it upends the American system. Having one president, speaks to the limits and fallacies of one person, but if we have two presidents than the executive can do everything and we don't need the other branches. Just consider the recent statement about being above the law.
The best writers know whatever you give attention, you give power. I agree there are bad aspects of the left that get into cancelling people including their own family members. But there are members of the center who cancel you for just as ridiculous things. I never agreed with it because I find it unloving.
But it's like you're a ref and there's two teams and one team is super flawed and the other team is triggering all those flaws for much more nefarious purposes and you are focused on the weak team being unsportsmanlike....or that they get the details wrong in their hyped up anxiety about the nefarious stuff the other side is doing.
Also friendships are in a crisis in America because of the internet. The problem is usually technology not ideology. Technology creates more ideology than vice versa.
But yeah your friend over reacted from what I don't know is going on in their lives or mental health. What you do from there is your choice, and you decided to make it into content. Do you think that will help solve the loneliness epidemic in the country? I think one side learning not to overreact to an overreaction would be more helpful towards healing both sides.
But regardless, do whatever you want. The post allowed comments here so I presumed this wasn't a safe space and I could say what I want. Free speech and free exchange of ideas and all.
Hey man! Thanks for the honest comment. I genuinely appreciate that. Good stuff. You make some valid points, for sure. I totally agree with you, by the way, re social media and that creating ideology and fragmenting people and being divisive and creating isolation and loneliness. Definitely true. And to be clear: Fuck the Right, too. I think Trump is more or less a narcissistic moron who is a symptom of a much bigger problem in American life which we've all been ignoring for the past 20-30 years now. I am harder on the Left because they've traditionally always been more "my team." At this point though I hate both sides. I think we need serious root change.
As far as my friend and all that: The truth is it did hurt, what she did, and so the only sense of power or control I felt I had was to do what I do best: Write about it. I didn't use or show her name, so I wasn't trying to get "revenge" or anything like that. I guess I just wanted to have a cathartic experience and feel some relief by sharing "my truth" as the kids say nowadays. I genuinely wish her the best. But for me it wasn't sustainable. When she texted me several times about Trump and our political differences, I remained very restrained, polite and calm. Even when she un-friended my wife, I was soft and calm and respectful. Only when I saw what she'd written about me on FB, and how she said it (calling me her "friend" in quotation marks) did that shift for me.
You're probably right, despite all this. I could have handled it differently, more maturely, with more kindness. I admit: I am flawed.
Anyway: Thanks for the comment, bro.
Yeah, she seems like she is losing it. A lot of people man are losing it. Their world was shattered in some way. For me the world - through the eyes of literature and a fiction writer - was already in bad shape, because of much deeper and harder to solve problems than politics. I have always had different ideologies in my life because I am a naturally curious person and people in my family have been on both sides politically and criticize both sides, so I find this whole idea of cancelling people for having political beliefs to be TERRIBLE. But obviously some of our citizens are having some type of hissy fit and i certainly understand a hissy fit, having had plenty myself about my writing career, but the best way to handle a hissy fit is with patience and grace and understanding what is logical in the hissy fit and ignoring what is illogical. And yeah, you didn't disrespect or betray the person and you did the writer thing for sure. Respect always, and thank you for allowing me free space to engage with you. Since technology has taken over, we have to learn how to use it for good. Show not tell shit.
Beautifully said!!!
I totally get this and feel very similar. I had to write a post about it as I was an undecided voter. The vitriol on the left was scary and sad. People I had known for over 20 years treated me horribly. I never even said who I was voting for and yet, everyone filled in the blanks. I had to get off social media for a while and have only posted one Substack since then. It made me reevaluate everything. My life has changed a lot in a short amount of time and my desire to be in this digital world diminishes. Then I read a post like this and think “yes, there are more people like me. Reasonable, flawed and thinking people!” Thx for posting.
Love it!!!! Unite!